Today is the last day of 2020. For the past few years, I've chosen a "Word of the Year" that has carried me through morning meditations and late night ponderings. My word has been the theme I've focused on throughout that particular year.
It all started in 2018 with the word Overcome. I was gifted this word when my friend, Nikki, gave me a bracelet with this word inscribed on it. I wore the bracelet every single day until finally, toward the end of the year, the bracelet broke. Nikki asked me what I wanted my next word to be, and after some prayer and consideration, I knew my "Word of the Year" for 2019 would be Abundance. Again, I was given a bracelet with this word, and I wore it every day without fail.
2020 was my third year with a "Word of the Year" bracelet. I chose Worth for this past year, and I had no clue when I picked it how much work I would do with the concept of my self-worth. It has been a tough year in a lot of ways, and I have done a lot of hard work surrounding the themes of acceptance of self and grace towards self.
The year 2020 has brought with it a lot of change. My Papaw died. We entered into a pandemic and have spent months sheltering at home. There was a stress-filled election. I moved to a new state and started on a new path among the sisters at OSH. I was clothed as a novice and took a new name.
Throughout all these changes, both good and bad, it's been tough to manage my moods. Life changes tend to be difficult for people with mood disorders, and I've found 2020 to be saturated with life changes. All the while, I've had the consistent presence of my Worth bracelet on my wrist, reminding me that I am made in the image of the Divine even when I feel weak and flawed.
As 2020 comes to a close, I'm donning a new word bracelet. I do so under the realization that I've not mastered 2020's word, nor have I dived to the depths of all that Worth can teach me. I do know, however, that I am not the same person that originally chose Worth as my word. The "Kaitlyn of December 2019" that chose Worth for the word of the year is very different from the "Martha Julian of December 2020." A year later, I think of the word Worth differently. It's in the light of this change that I am comfortable taking my bracelet off and taking on a new word.
I'll still be working on aspects of self-worth, but I'll be doing it with a new word and a different outlook. My word for 2021 is Aware. I know that, if the past three years have any bearing on the future, I'll spend a good deal of time exploring many facets of this word and will come to think of it differently than how I'm thinking of it now.
I'm choosing Aware out of the realization that there are aspects of my self-worth and personhood that I need to continue simply acknowledging. I'm realizing that there is a good deal of deception that goes into being unaware. Being awake, being alert, being aware... that's the first step toward development and change.
Something tells me I won't be a masterfully aware individual by the time 2021 comes to a close. But I hope to be better. It's with this hope that I put on my new "Word of the Year" bracelet and look to a new year with new growth. I pray this New Year brings joy to each of you, and that you also find yourself increasingly more aware of the peace of God's presence.
Happy New Year
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