Darling,
I write to you as the sun is just starting to peek over the line of the trees. The first warming rays of the day are starting to make their way to me as I sit in the common area. It makes me think of the dawning realizations I'm having, and I so desire to write to you and tell you what I'm learning.
My dear, I need you to know, in no uncertain terms, that healing is not linear. I know, that's not what you want to hear. You want it to be simple. A check list. Complete the tasks, move systematically through the stages of grief, and then be done. Be whole and healed. Wounded no longer. But, darling, that's not how life works. No, unfortunately life is more complex than that.
I am realizing, as I am learning and growing through my own pain, that there are cycles. Perhaps rather than move systematically through the "stages" of grief, it is rather like moving on a pendulum - swinging (sometimes wildly, sometimes slowly) from one point to another. There are times you'll reach the peaks of anger, other times the depths of depression. You'll spend time in denial and work through bargaining, and sometimes acceptance will break through. Then you'll go and do it all again.
Healing from things doesn't mean that you "solve" the issue at hand. That's not the point of healing, I don't think. The point is not pretending the trauma or hurt never happened. It's not about "going back" to before the event. Instead, it is about learning to live again even though the bad thing happened.
And you, sweetheart, are worth that healing. You are worth the effort of going through those stages as many times as you need. You are worth learning and growing, and you are also worth the tears as you do that learning and growing. You deserve health and life. I know there are times that it feels like life after the event is impossible. That truly living again is so far out of reach. I need you to know that if you need a season where you are not truly living but merely existing and surviving, then that's okay too. It's okay to not be okay. But you don't have to stay there.
Life will never be the same again. That's true. I don't pretend to try to gloss over the pain and heartache. But, darling, you will find that there is something new even on the other side of this. This isn't the end, even if it might feel like it.
Please know there is someone right here rooting for you in this complex, non-linear healing process. We'll get through this - together. Relying on support systems, being the Body of Christ to one another... that's what will get us through all these swings and stages. Prayers are being lifted for you, dearest.
With love,
Martha Julian
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