I'm hurting these days. My routine is shot to pieces, I've been laid off, and I'm isolated from my friends. I'm not the only one feeling the weight of the effects of COVID-19. Many people are in anguish over the many effects of this disease.
I've been thinking of Jesus a lot in his last days as Holy Week has finally come around. Today, especially, I'm thinking of his experience praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. The same word comes back to me again to speak of his experience- anguish.
Jesus was fully human, which means he experienced the full breadth of human emotion... including pain. He hurt. More than that, even. He was in anguish. He wept bitterly and begged with God to let the cup that was before him pass him by.
I realize that we often times live in the Garden of Gethsemane. We live on the edge of whatever big life-change is just around the corner. We live in the hurt of our immediate circumstances. We look at the reality around us and beg God for it to be anything other than what it is, because what it is sucks.
Jesus was fully human, yes, but Jesus was also fully God. I believe this means that he knew the end of the story. I believe that there was an understanding of the Divine Plan toward redemption and salvation and life-everlasting. So I find it interesting that Jesus was in anguish at all when he prayed in Gethsemane. Why, if he knew the ultimate outcome, would he have asked to be saved from the pain?
I think this shows a lot about our present circumstances. We live with the reality of God's reign. We know that God is present and powerful, and we know the end of the story. We have an understanding of the Divine Plan that will culminate in redemption and salvation and life-everlasting. And yet, we live in Gethsemane. We live in the anguish of the pain around us. It's a tension in the Christian faith. We live with the reality and knowledge of the Kingdom of God, while also living with the reality and knowledge of the world around us.
So what are we to do? The reality of God's reign is, in all actuality, the "truest" of truths and the "realest" of the realities. Are we then to ignore the present world and the sufferings that happen there? I don't believe so. I think Jesus shows us a different way to live.
Jesus knew the ultimate outcome and still prayed that the cup pass from him. Jesus knew that he would ultimately live and still prayed not to die. I think we have something to learn from this. I think it is evident that God wants us to pray and talk about what is troubling us. God through Jesus has already experienced the full breadth of human emotion. There's nothing you can throw at God that hasn't already been experienced by God. God knows our feelings, and wants us to come with those feelings. We are allowed to shout and scream and cry to God. We are allowed to be in anguish before God. For God has been there too.
If you are hurting during this time, I encourage you to pray fervently as Christ did. Pray with an honesty about your emotions. Lay it out on the line what you want. But, ultimately, know that the end of the story isn't anguish, but joy. The end of the story isn't death, but life and life-everlasting.