"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
Oh, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
William Shakespeare - Sonnet 116
There’s no denying it. I’m a hopeless romantic. I love my classic Disney fairytales. I swoon over Mr. Darcy. And I love quoting The Princess Bride when it comes to "mawwage" and "twu wuv." I get warm fuzzy feelings each time one of my beloved books or movies ends with a couple overcoming the odds and riding off into the sunset now ready to begin their happily ever after together. But have you noticed these stories that make us hopeless romantics swoon always end with the wedding? They always end with the butterflies-in-my-stomach excitement that culminates in that final passionate “I love you”.
A little over four years ago, I couldn't see my life past this butterflies-in-my-stomach excitement. I was engaged to the man of my dreams, and we were in the process of planning the wedding. I couldn't see past the intensity of my emotions at the time. I was convinced our love would always feel this way. But, as you likely know, that story didn't end the way I planned. He left. The relationship was severed. So... what of love?
As much as we hate to admit it sometimes, I think most of us recognize that there is a difference between “being in love” with someone and “loving” someone. Oh sure, sometimes they overlap. But the butterflies and excitement of falling in love doesn’t last forever. Love that is distinct from “being in love” is more than just feeling, because, let’s face it, feelings don’t last forever. As one of my favorite Disney movies says, “Forever is a long, long time, and time has a way of changing things.”
Time changes things. At the age of 24, something in my brain changed, leaving me reeling from the effects of my first manic episode with Bipolar Disorder. I didn't understand what was happening, and neither did my to-be husband. And in the wake of those manic effects, he left. Time changed things for him.
Shakespeare, in his Sonnet 116, says that “Love’s not Time’s fool." He reminds us that even though time has a way of changing the feelings of being “in love”, true love endures. “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove”. Time changes things... and times change, but love stays constant. “It is an ever-fixed mark, That looks on tempests and is never shaken”.
I can't say what was going on in the heart of my ex-fiance. But I do know much of what took place in my heart in the aftermath. I was shaken to the core. And much of that had to do with my worldview. You see, I held a core value that "Love Conquers All." Why couldn't love conquer Bipolar Disorder?
I spent the next few years in a fog, believing anyone and everyone could and would leave me at the drop of a hat. And some people did. But amazingly enough, I found some people who, despite all reason to do otherwise, stayed by my side. They have comforted me when I was all but unconsolable. They have let me literally lean on their shoulders when I couldn't keep myself upright. They have cleaned up my messes and wiped away my tears. In short, they have loved me. The kind of Love I believe Shakespeare was really talking about. Not a fleeting emotion, but a choice.
Shakespeare’s words point us back to Paul’s words when he tells us in 1 Corinthians 13 that “Love never ends”. It’s obvious that neither Shakespeare nor Paul were writing of that sentimental “falling in love” feeling, but were thinking of something much deeper and much greater.
Now I must admit, I’m pretty sure that Shakespeare didn’t have Jesus on his mind when he wrote Sonnet 116. But when we talk about a love that never ends, we can’t help but talk about Jesus. Because you see, to talk about a love that never ends we have to talk about a love that “being in very nature God did not consider equality with God something to be grasped.” We have to talk about a love that “emptied himself, taking on the form of a slave, being born in human likeness.” We have to talk about a love that “being found in human form, humbled himself.” We have to talk about a love that “became obedient to the point of death- even death on a cross.”
Time has a way of changing things, but love never ends. The story of Scripture shows us this truth time and again. Love didn’t end when a beloved friend became a betrayer. Love didn’t end when all that could be heard was mocking and scorn. Love didn’t end when there were lies and hatred. Love didn’t end when there were beatings or thorny crowns. Love didn’t end when nails pierced hands and feet, and spear pierced side. Love didn’t end then, and love hasn’t ended now.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never ends.
Thank you to those who have modeled to me what it is to truly love. Thank you for being the Body of Christ, and for loving me with the kind of love that chooses to endure.